Leave demons alone for Christ's sake

Why are people always talking so badly about demons? I mean, if you happen to be a demon you have to be true to who you are, right? Therefore you act like a demon. What else could you do? You're a goddamned demon after all. For example, nobody runs around criticizing killer whales for terrorizing, ripping apart, eating alive cute little seals do they? Of course they don't!

So what do you think Bael -- do I get the job as your publicist?

Transport for clean clothes

I've got a question for you. In your house, how do you demarcate the laundry baskets that are to be used for clean clothes vs. the ones that are to be used for dirty clothes? We use round ones for dirty clothes and square or rectangular ones for clean clothes.

Wait, please don't tell me, I mean for the love of god please don't tell me you use the same ones for both clean and dirty! So you are putting clean clothes, fresh out of the dryer, into filth-ridden laundry baskets?? I hope you don't have children in that home! I ought to report you to the Department of Child Protective Services.

High school athlete

In your mind's eye, try to picture the kid I'm talking to in this anecdote. "You're kidding me. You're trying to tell me that YOU are actually on your high school's track team?? Oh, wait. I get it. Shot put and discus, huh?"

RIP? Rest in peace? Ha!

As many of you know, if you've been reading my blog for any length of time, I am an Evangelical Christian.  As such, I am often offended by what I see on twitter when folks post things like RIP (rest in peace) whenever someone dies who pretty clearly wasn't "saved" at the time of their death (for example: Catholics, Jews, atheists and so forth). Let's face it, RIP doesn't apply to those folks.

So I here today propose we use either BIH (burn in hell) or BBB (burn baby burn). Much more apt, much more honest. Are you with me?

Be more Christlike

Regardless of your religion, I think we could all agree that the world would be a lot better off if people tried to act more Christlike. As for me, I know that I'm trying to be more Christlike!

Here's an example, I've got this thing I'm doing now: when I meet and talk to people I tell them that I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread -- the ruler of the universe -- and if they don't pray to me and tell me exactly what I want to hear, I'm seriously going to consider torturing them, non-stop, for the next billion, gazillion years!

Scooby-Doo episode

I watched the oddest episode of Scooby-Doo yesterday -- never seen that one before. As usual, the gang did a great job of solving the mystery and exposing the bad guy, but at the end, when they confronted him with all the facts, the fellow just lawyered-up and left the kids frustrated and bewildered.

Pepto emergency

Oh my god! I wonder if I should call the doctor?!? What happens if you have a stomach ache but you mistake calamine lotion for Pepto? I am going to die??? Well, probably not. I mean, I didn't ingest it yet, but still -- scary!!

So, no on the doctor thing then?