God: "I love giving people free will. Best idea I ever had!"

God: "I love giving people free will. Best idea I ever had! Then I don't have to take responsibility for any of my human creations. I can create 'em in an instant, and burn them in hell forever in the next. And it's all their fault! Fuckers."

Drinking at the Wedding Reception at Cana

I love the story of The Wedding at Cana, from the Gospel of John. Do you know it? It's beautiful.

Jesus and Mary went to a wedding. We don't know where Joseph was, but whatever. I'm sure he was doing something important, because he missed out on something big.

At the reception, people seemed to be having a good time, drinking wine, getting drunk, but then Mary noticed that things were starting to drag, and she found out why: They had run out of wine. 

And that's when she had the idea. Was it divine inspiration? Probably. She said to her Son, "Jesus, we gotta get this party kick-started, and I know that you know what I mean."

Jesus responded, "Really? This is not exactly how I envisioned my first big, public, supernatural magic trick going. I don't know, Mom."

Mary: "For crying out loud, Jesus, just get back there and whip up some hooch. But none of that cheap crap. No Wild Irish Rose for example!"

Well, suffice it to say, Jesus came through. And everyone had a drunken, merry old time.

Beautiful.

Why Christians love Trump

OK, I think I finally got this "Christians-absolutely-love-Trump" thing figured out, and it totally makes sense. Did you know that in the Bible (1 Samuel 18:27) David murdered 200 unsuspecting Philistines and then cut the foreskins off their dicks and used it as a dowry so he could become King?

And let's face it, God was backing *that* dude 100% of the way. So if Mr. Trump has to crack a few eggs and even be immoral AF in order to gain power? Hey, that's God's will, baby!

Why I am hesitant to vote

Why am I hesitant to vote? I guess it's really for two reasons:

1) Look, I try not to be arrogant in this world. And I make a concerted effort to control my ego. Pride is a deadly sin. So for me to walk into a voting booth and essentially say to society, "Here I am folks! And I know best! Through my various votes here today I am going to try to impose my will onto everybody else. Deal with it, bitches!" No. That is not for me. I am better than that.

2) Now I fully understand of course that the odds of my vote affecting the election are minimal. Infinitesimal really. But what if it were to happen that my chosen candidate wins by just *one* vote? And it turns out I made the wrong choice? I could never live with myself after that! For example, in this presidential election, what if I were to vote for Harris -- just because I happen to like her -- and she wins, by one vote. And then it turns out that she just goes full commie, full crazy woke psycho, and she turns up the quantity and volume of her laughs, causing all of her haters to literally stab at their ears creating massive head wounds and deaths throughout the county? Well, that would be on me, folks. But it ain't gonna happen. Not on my watch.

The Act of Contrition 2.0 (for former Catholics)

The Act of Contrition 2.0 (for former Catholics)

O My God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee,
and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell,
but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who art all good and deserving of all my love.
I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace,
to confess my sins,
to do penance
and to amend my life.

Unless of course, new information comes in. In which case, FUCK it.

Why a Catholic university has a demon as its mascot

Well, this article kind of explains it -- Busting the Mystery Why DePaul's Mascot Is A Demon Despite It Being A Catholic School - -- but I can tell you the real reason why DePaul continues to have a demon as its mascot.

Look, The Catholic Church believes that demons exist-- and that they possess bodies from time to time. That's why The Church has an exorcism wing at the Vatican in Rome. (It does.) But here's the deal: DePaul is a college in America. And American Catholics don't believe that demons are real. They don't believe a lot of stuff The Church teaches. (Cafeteria Catholics they're called.) Heck, they're so arrogant they believe they know more about real Christian theology than the Pope himself -- and all the College of Cardinals combined! 😆

Polar Bear virtue -- or lack thereof?

 

This photo by amateur photographer Nima Sarikhani recently won the Wildlife Photographer of the Year People's Choice Award, hosted by London's Natural History Museum.

Ah, so cute! And a nice little photo-op for this furry fellow -- and good PR for polar bears in general, but did you know that these vile, demonic motherfuckers ambush, terrorize, torture, and eat alive poor little fully sentient, cute little seals all the fucking time?

Gotcha! LOL. Just joking. The polar bear is not to blame! God didn't give polar bears free will -- so Mr. Polar Bear is basically just doing what God programmed him to do. He's doing God's bidding: ripping up little seals and showing them their hearts as he eats them alive. 😊