Should you vaccinate your kids?

If you're like me (and so many other parents) you've struggled with this idea of whether or not to get your kids vaccinated.

It's really a tough decision -- I mean not whether or not the modern vaccines are safe and effective, they clearly are -- it's just that I'm a busy guy and I don't like spending my free time taking the kids to the clinic for shots when I could be at home drinking beer and watching ESPN Classic.

A horse is a whore of course

Despite what I've written elsewhere, I candidly don't believe that Seabiscuit was a real man-whore as horses go. Man o' War however, oh my gosh, different story -- more like Man o' Whore! That's probably in fact the true derivation of where that horse got his name if we really want to be truthful about it.

Ugly and Stupid

Boy, it's just so very true, they've got surgery to fix ugly, but there just ain't no fixing stupid !!

That's OK though because I'm an optimist. After my cosmetic procedure next month I'm still hoping that scientists can come up with some sort of "smart" pill I can take.

It's not whether you win or lose...

We've been told: it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game. Ha!

I say: there are those who play to win, and there are those who play not to lose. My advice is to play to avoid playing against players who are playing to avoid losing -- unless you see it as a reverse metaphor for what you are ultimately trying not to achieve.

The Curious Case of Curious George

I liked to read Curious George when I was a kid -- and now it's a TV series on PBS Kids! I was just watching it with my youngest daughter this morning. It was one of my favorite episodes too. It was the one where George fucks everything up, but the Man In The Yellow Hat takes it in stride and things work out pretty well in the end.

Delusions of Blogdeur

Overheard every day all over the world:

"What do you mean you're leaving me? Why are you leaving me??"

"I've told you. You're a loser."

"No I am not! You know my blog's about ready to take off. When my blog takes off you'll be sorry, you'll see!"

"Yeah, right. Bye bye."

Papa and Me

For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn

is a haunting short story by Ernest Hemingway. It is an extreme example of one of my favorite types of writing -- flash fiction.

I just myself wrote a similar classic tale tonight, in the first person no less. Here it is:

I just ate my little toe off. Tasted good, but now I lose my balance a lot.

A good night's work indeed. Now I'm off to Key West for some fishing and heavy drinking!

Deconstructing man boobs.

I think I've developed man boobs at this point in my life -- and at first I was quite concerned about this fact, but then I had an epiphany.

Remember when Hamlet said, "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Boy, he hit it right on the mark!

Let me tell you something my friends. There is really no good reason to believe that a woman's rounded breasts are sexy and yet a man's are not. Well, actually there is one: It's called cultural conditioning! If you don't think that I look good with my new man-boobs it's because you have been brainwashed by society.

Yes folks, you are sheep. Are you happy now? You ought to be ashamed of yourselves!

Oh, to go back in time!

Have you ever wondered what you would do if you could go back in time? I know exactly what I'd do.

Step 1: Go back in time to the 1940s, before they invented facemasks in football.

Step 2: Join a college, pro, or semipro football team in some capacity during the off-season. For example, equipment manager would do just fine.

Step 3: Find out who we play in the first game in the upcoming season. For purposes of this hypothetical, let's call them Team X.

Step 4: (And here's where it gets tricky.) Approach Team X and convince them that they should add facemasks to their helmets. Show them the benefits: increased safety for their players, plus they'll be able to block and tackle much more aggressively -- using their head gear as weapons! (Their coach will love that.) Trust me. They'll go for it.

Final step: It's the first game of the new season and out comes our opponent, Team X, with their fancy schmancy facemasks. Oh, hey, you know what? There's no rule on the books about facemasking yet! (This is the first time anyone's used them in a game.) OK, you get the idea. We spend the whole game ripping their freaking heads off -- paralyze half their team from the neck down. Probably even win the game!

Oh yeah, that's definitely what I'd do if I could go back in time.