Trump. Anger. Jesus. Money changers.

A lot of Americans are angry with Trump -- kinda like when Jesus got angry with the money changers at the temple. But I'm sure Jesus would be totally mellow if he were to show up at the White House today. He'd sit down with Trump, have brunch, and say something like: "Bro, I think you're doing a really good job. Finish that wall! Look, I know you don't really believe in me, and that you say you never ask for forgiveness because you don't need to. But hey, I'm totally cool with that. Nice job with the supreme court nominations too my brother! I'm glad you didn't let that whore Christine Blasey Ford hold you back. Listen, I'm not one for casting the first stone, but I would have crushed her fucking head with a boulder. By the way, is there a good ammo store around here? I want to hit the range!"

Catholic, pro-Trump, pro-life

Hey, good news! Are you pro-life? And Catholic? And a Trump fan? (Well, never mind the last question. You obviously are a Trump fan if you answered yes to the first two questions.)

Anyway, back to my good news: if you are a pro-life, Catholic Trump fan apparently there's no need to go to confession anymore. From reading social media from pro-life MAGA people I found out that that is the one key issue that determines whether you are moral or not. Everything else is just trivia. You can let it all hang out bro!

Just do this one thing: email your priest every six months and reassure him that you're still pro-life. And be sure to cc: Jesus. Well, actually never mind on that point. I think He automatically receives courtesy copies on everything.

It's Ash Wednesday and I have ashes on my head

I couldn't make it to mass today but I did put a bunch of ashes on my head so that people who see me will think I'm a good, holy person. I think I put too much up there though. Plus, isn't it supposed to look like a cross? 😟  I mean, right now as I type this I was just looking in the mirror and I have a bunch of it basically just falling off the top of my head. The only good part is that it's definitely making my hairline look a lot better.

TDS: Trump derangement syndrome (in other languages, countries and times)

"Trump derangement syndrome" huh? Yeah, that's pretty clever. But let's face it, there's nothing new under the sun. I'm sure for example just last century around the world folks came up with something similar. I don't know how it would translate into Russian, or German, or Italian or Chinese or whatever -- but I'm sure it went something like this: "Jeez, Charlie. You've really got 'Mr. X' Derangement Syndrome bro! Sure, he's a bit of an asshole, and maybe a little hard-core or what have you, but maybe that's just what our country needs right now. Did you ever think about that? C'mon man!"

Fake Trump staff meeting on wall

Trump to team a while back: "You guys have to come up something I can say that will make people believe that I am in fact keeping my campaign promise of getting Mexico to pay for the wall. Now keep in mind that we really only have to appease my base, and as you know they're mostly very simple people (they really like the red hats) and it's not like they ever took a bunch of econ classes or anything. So basically just about almost anything I say should work, so don't spend too much time on it guys."