The secret of success.

Aristotle Onassis apparently said, "The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows."

Boy, it is so true -- and precisely the reason why I am so incredibly rich and successful as compared to most of you folks.

For example, check this out. Do you know the exact contents of my bellybutton right now? Please, you do not, yet I do. Guess what? I recently put a half-chewed Skittle in there, and you had absolutely no clue. Ka-ching!! There's another million in the bank for me!

My anonymous donation to charity.

My friends, I must now confess something to you all that's very important. Someday, when I'm really wealthy, I'm going to donate one billion dollars anonymously to charity. That's right bro, that's a 'B' as in BILLION.

Of course, it's highly unlikely that I'll ever even have a billion dollars let alone be giving it away, but I just wanted to preemptively make the announcement here today so I can get full credit for being the great philanthropist that I am.