Natural Intelligence?

Wouldn't you agree that Nature as a whole is more intelligent than the collective human consciousness? Of course you would. So if there really is no God, why do we see praying mantises?

Umpire ego

I hate it when sarcastic umpires twirl their finger in the air like: "Whooppity-do for you A-hole, you just got a home run. You wanna cookie?!"

Life In Hell

I like to think about all the souls that are currently being tortured in hell. In the grand scheme of things, if you think about it, not too very long ago they didn't even exist.

Since the beginning of time those poor folks were in the world of "nonexistence" so to speak, and then one day God created them as a new baby human being, and in essentially a blip of time later, they lived their life and were dead. At that point God decided to put them in hell for eternity. Seemingly all in the blink of an eye they were created and then put into perpetual torture.

And they're like: "Hey nobody even asked me if I wanted to be created in the first place! What's up with that?"

Grace Under Green Light Pressure

Let me as you a question. I'm sure this has happened to you. You're at a stoplight waiting to take a left turn, waiting for that red arrow to turn green. There is one car ahead of you. The green arrow lights up and the guy in front of you doesn't move. He's looking down, looking at his radio dial or something. OK, now all of a sudden the pressure is on you, right? Do you immediately honk the horn as if to say that he's a jackass and you yourself would never be in his position? Or do you have patience, empathy?

Well, it's not that simple of course. You have a responsibility to the cars behind you to assert yourself and step up to the plate so to speak. Through no fault of your own you're caught in a highly stressful squeeze play.

How many seconds do you wait to hit the horn? Come on. Make up your mind! Are you weenie or a boor??

My new prayer for Lent.

I've invented a new prayer for Lent this year. It's kinda like the Hail Mary but instead of praying to Mary to ask her to pray to Jesus to save my soul it goes one step further. In mine I pray to another saint (Joe in this case) to pray to Mary to pray to Jesus for me. It's brilliant. I'm calling it Hail Mary 2: St. Joseph's Revenge.

Body addition by subtraction.

I don't mean to whine but I've had a pretty tough life so far. A few years ago a bout with testicular cancer left me with only one nut. And circumstances I don't really want to discuss just recently forced me to have one kidney removed (on the other side).

As a result, and this is the capper, last week I had to have surgery to get just one tonsil taken out. You see, it turns out kidneys are heavier than gonads and I kept leaning to the side when I walked. I'm OK now though (post-tonsillectomy). Straight as a string!

White House photography

I just love to get access to black and white photos of the goings-on in the Oval Office. B&W means those dudes are up to something sinister as all hell!