(Bad) Dream School

"Oh, my god, I can't believe it! I just found out that I got into my dream school: Brown! I'm sure I got in by the skin of my teeth but who cares?! I made it!!!"

"That's great. I'm sure that will work out well for you. It sounds then like you're going to be the dumbest fuck on campus. That will do wonders for your confidence as you prepare for the real world."

#Gladwell

Twitter dad

So I'm driving my 10th grader to school this week and I said to her something like, "So I've got this new guy on Twitter I think I'm going to start online bullying." And then she shoots me a dirty look and goes:"Oh my god dad. That's terrible." And then I'm like: "What? That's a big part of what Twitter is for -- you go on there and try to take some of your frustrations in life out on people. Besides, they deserve it." Then the rest of the ride she was acting like I'm some sort of defective person.

Facebook post to use the day after your birthday

Thank you to all my friends who wished me happy birthday here on Facebook yesterday. And more importantly, to all of you who didn't give me birthday wishes on my timeline I just want you to know that I know of course that Facebook gives you a notification of who is having birthdays each day. That means that you saw that I was having mine and specifically went out of your way to ignore it. You couldn't be bothered to take three seconds out of your day to write even as much as: "Happy b-day Dan." Thanks for the information though. Now I know what kind of a person you really are. Frankly, at this point, I wish our paths would have never crossed.

Oh, to be seen at a Black Lives Matter event!

Let's be honest. It's just so incredibly hip to be a non-black person attending a Black Lives Matter event. My advice, go early and often -- and you simply have to take a ton of pictures so you can share with your friends. And then, armed with anecdotes from your outing, you just know you are going to be the bee's knees at your next cocktail party up in Marin. And, if somehow you can actually get arrested for some sort of act of civil disobedience? Please! You'll be a legend!

I am a white man

I am a white man, and trust me, I know what that means. I had all the advantages. I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. The only reason I've ever struggled financially in my whole life is because I'm a lazy, dumb piece-of-shit. I get it. Believe me, I get it. And by the way, I have absolutely no business commenting on race-related matters anywhere, at any time, including here. So let's face it, by now you can surely tell that because I did in fact write these thoughts down in a blog post it clearly confirms the reality that I am a big, piece-of-shit racist. Don't worry though, I am disgusted with myself. #pieceofshit

Spider love; Fetal scorn

Ever notice that a lot the same people who are apparently just fine and dandy with killing fetuses are also the the type of folks who find a bug in their house and carry it out in a cup? That's what I call comical, psychotic, misanthropic... (put your own adjective in there -- lot to choose from).

Fetal lives don't matter, but their bodies do come in handy

I noticed that Unitarian Universalist chief Peter Morales hasn't issued one of his moralizing statements regarding the #PlannedParenthood video because, I guess, while #BlackLivesMatter to UU folks, #FetalLivesDontMatter.

Hey that's cool. After all, research using fetuses has led to medical advances, including in Parkinson’s Disease and the development of a Polio vaccine. So I guess by that reasoning it's OK to gun down unarmed black youths in our streets as long as we can find a way to use the body parts to our benefit! Church anyone?