As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a....

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a philanthropist, because that would likely mean I'd be rich as fuck, and could afford to buy just about anything I wanted.

#idontunderstand

@TeamAthleteLife tweeted the following today:

Tim Tebow: "I'm a Christian."
Media: "Keep it to yourself."
Jason Collins: "I'm gay."
Media: "You're an inspiration!"
#idontunderstand

Judging by the number of retweets it got I'd say a lot of other people "don't understand" either. So I thought I'd take a crack at explaining it.

When someone like Tebow says, "I'm a Christian," the implied theology is that, "I'm saved and going to heaven, and you are not. In fact you are going to hell (unless of course you convert to my religion, the one true religion)."

However when someone like Collins says, "I am gay," there is no implied theology, although I think it would be safe to draw an inference that he also may mean: "so I hope you won't condemn me or discriminate against me for it."

A dog's life.

Do you ever talk to your dog like it is a human? I know I do.

Here is an example from the other day -- me talking to our family dog Moxie:  I tell her I'm taking her for a walk, and of course then I get the usual jumping, squirming, frenzied anticipation that makes it always so hard to put the darn leash on. And then I become indignant and say, "So is this what it's all come to for you? Your life is just so empty and devoid of purpose that the thought of going for a simple walk is that exciting an event to you? You are living in an existential vacuum, and it's sucking the soul right out of you! Get a life for Christ's sake."

Popcorn and Vomit Storage Equipment

In your family do you have a popcorn bowl that doubles as a puke bucket during cold and flu season? Of course you do. We sure do! (But you already knew that.)

Why I am against gay marriage.

Here is why I am against gay marriage, and I'm pretty sure that many, if not most, conservative American men like myself share a similar thought process on this thing: If they were to outright legalize gay marriage nationally I'm frankly freightened that I would succumb to the inevitable temptation to "go gay" and leave my family. And that would be bad. Look, I don't know about you, but I'm trying to avoid bad things in my life -- and as a tax paying citizen I think the government should create laws that help me in that endeavor.

The pope's righteous stance against gay marriage.

The new pope is against gay marriage, which I think is righteous and consistent with the Church's teachings. Look, it's really all about fairness. I mean, if priests are not allowed to marry, why then should all the other, lay gay dudes get to have that option?

My sarcastic dog.

Me: "Jeez Moxie, do you really have to wolf your food down like that?"

Moxie: "Ah, as a matter of fact I do -- Captain Zoologist Boy."