You're not going to hell, but many others are.

I could never figure out how people could pray to a God that tortures tons of human beings after they die -- and just be cool with it. But then it came to me: If you're reading this right now, and you believe in God, say the Christian God, you're probably not going to bed tonight depressed and feeling gut-wrenching empathy for all the souls being tortured in hell. No!

And you're not really worried about your acquaintances who have had the chance to take John 3:16 seriously, but didn't, and are now destined for hell, right? Come on. Be honest. You're not. Wanna know why? Because you don't believe you're going to hell, right? And that's the bottom line, my friend.

All those other people who are just like you, with hopes, fears, sadness, tragedy, broken hearts, and pain in their lives -- they are just like you but for the fact that they chose the wrong God, or maybe no God. And after they finally do shuffle off this mortal coil, what do they get? Eternal damnation. Shit. But then again, who really cares? I mean, it's not going to happen to you! So just keep going blissfully on with your faith -- and have some fun. Hey, I think the Lakers are on tonight! 😊

Happy Easter! or: What If You're Wrong?

Happy Easter! And to all you smarty-pants out there who say, "Come on Dan, I don't believe in any of that religious bullshit," I have one question for you: What if you're wrong? You very well could end up rotting in hell.

For example, there are about two billion Muslims in the world. And a lot of them have very high IQs -- even higher than yours! What if you're wrong about Islam? Well, Allah is going to get you, my friend.

So think about it. Just to be smart, on your way home from church today, better thank Allah for all you have and ask him not to torture you for all your disbelief. It's only prudent.

God bless Dan

You probably can tell from reading my posts that I'm not a deeply religious man, but I have to say -- I don't really mind it at all when someone says to me, "God bless you." I suppose my thinking is really just a derivation of Pascal's Wager, but I guess I think at some point it's possible that their saying, "God bless you," could save my ass.

For example, coming out of the store the other day, a rather weathered-looking fellow citizen asked me if I could spare some change. I handed him a five-dollar bill. He thanked me and said,
"God bless you," and I liked it.

My hopes are that someday, if I'm surprised to be facing God's judgment outside the pearly gates -- I'm thinking it might be possible for God to say something like, "Well, Dan, when you were alive you bashed me, said I didn't exist and said that even if I did exist I was an evil motherfucker for torturing the fuck out of poor souls for all eternity simply because of what they did or didn't do, believe or didn't believe, while on earth. Having said that, I think I'm going to give you a pass. Remember that time when you were walking out of Safeway and you gave that homeless dude a fiver and he said: 'God bless you'? Well, I'm going to go ahead and do just that. Yours was an act of kindness. And frankly, if I'm honest, I was never all that charitable with that poor schmuck myself. 😟"

It ain't Dr. Frankenstein's fault

Question: Should society be upset with Dr. Frankenstein for creating such a destructive life form? I don't think so.

Look, if you're able to find a way to create life from inanimate or dead objects, what's the one thing you have to make sure you do? Give it free will, obviously. That totally exonerates you, bro. Because then your creation/creature/monster can do absolutely any horrific thing you can imagine, and it ain't your fault!

Just think about it. Who was the smartest guy to ever live? It's God, right!?

And what did he do when he invented mankind? Gave us free will -- and it was a genius move. He could then take absolutely no responsibility for his creation. In fact, he blamed humanity for a ton of stuff, got irate with us, and ultimately tortures a ton of us in Hell forever. None of it is his fault. Period!

So then, getting back to Dr. Frankenstein, I think we can all agree that he's a pretty cool guy. 😇

Chris Farley interviewing God in heaven

"Hey, God, remember the time you created the world and added wildlife and were deciding what you would have them eat? And remember how you thought maybe they could just eat plants? But then you decided to have them terrorize, torture, and eat each other alive? That was awesome!!!

What Noah's Ark tells us about God

Whether or not one believes the Genesis flood narrative in the bible to be 100% historically accurate, or 100% metaphor/parable, or anything in-between, it depicts a God who doesn't take personal responsibility for the disappointing results of his own handiwork, and so, in an act of anger, decides to murder almost all human beings via horrifying drowning, including young children and babies, not to mention all the innocent wildlife. To think that this omnipotent entity/God is capable of such actions is frightening and depressing.

And by the way, I guess we've all accepted this idea that God is omniscient too. Yet the flood narrative makes him look surprised and disgusted with the way his creation turned out. You'd think maybe he should have seen it coming? Or, perhaps he really did know that everything was going to go down the way it did, and his plan all along was to go ahead and drown (almost) every last baby and bunny rabbit?

Psalm 140 vs. Marge and Homer Simpson

 Not so great wisdom from Psalm 140:

9 My enemies are planning trouble for me.

    Lord, make that trouble fall on them.

10 Pour burning coals on their heads.

    Throw them into the fire.

    Throw them into pits they can never escape.

Pretty awesome wisdom from The Simpsons:

Bart: And God bless mom, and dad, and Lisa, and Maggie, and please God - kill sideshow Bob.

[praying at his bed while Marge and Homer secretly watch outside his room]

Marge: Bart, no!

Bart: It's him or me, O Lord.

Marge: You can't ask God to kill someone.

Homer: Yeah! You do your own dirty work.