Yours and Mine: our awesome, insightful tweets

"I simply don't understand why the twitter world doesn't ever appear to care about my tweets on current events. I mean, I put a lot of thought into them. I even try to make them clever or funny sometimes. I guess the idiots on Twitter are just too dumb! Fuck it!"*


*As thought by millions of twitter users, all over the world, every day.

The paradox of how to treat the enemy

What a world we live in! It's so funny to me that it's perfectly fine to shoot, kill, maim, drone bomb the enemy (along with innocent bystanders by the way -- collateral damage). The guys who do that on our behalf are American heroes, and we applaud them every chance we get! But by gosh, whatever you do, do not waterboard the enemy. That's immoral!

The vile prejudice of low cultural expectations*

This whole Michael Brown thing is so outrageous. Just because he steals a box of cigars at a convenience store, chokes the owner on his way out, walks down the street, attacks a cop in his car, does that mean he deserves to be shot? This is just how they roll in the hood (directly because of massive institutionalized racism by the way). This is part of their culture. It's not for you to judge my friend. Besides that, Michael Brown was somebody's son. Just what is it that you don't get about that?

*As told from the point of view of a dolt, obviously.

The dirty little truth about zoos and wildlife

The harsh and horrific realty is that animals that aren't lucky enough to live in zoos often get terrorized and then eaten alive. (And that's a lot of animals -- I mean A LOT of animals.) It's gut-wrenching to think about, isn't it? #NiceJobGod

The Catholic Church is tacitly OK with being gay

I happen to believe that that the Catholic Church gives tacit approval to homosexuality, well at least male homosexuality anyway. Proof? Check out (their version) of the 10 Commandments.

Specifically, look at #9:  You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.

I don't see anything in there about coveting your neighbor's husband, do you? No?? So have at it boys!

The pitfalls of simultaneous use of digital media

Social media's great. I love getting on there -- exchanging ideas, talking with friends.

Same goes for the modern day DVR -- love it. Like most of us, because I'm so busy, I'd say it must be at least half the ball games I watch I do so using the tape delay -- I'm usually anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours behind the live action.

The problem is, the two don't mix, do they? I mean, I'm sure it's happened to you. You're watching this great game (on delay) and without thinking you hop on Facebook and some asshole "friend" of yours has just posted, "Wow! Great victory for [INSERT TEAM NAME HERE]! We're going to the Super Bowl this year!"

Fuck! Now what am I going to do with my evening -- actually interact with my family?!

Viagra Lady

Day 1: Did you see the Viagra Lady on TV? I really like her.
Day 2: I think I might have an unhealthy obsession with the Viagra Lady.
Day 3: I know this might sound weird but I think the Viagra Lady is talking to me specifically in those ads.
Day 4: I'm in love with the Viagra Lady and she's in love with me too -- and we don't care what people think.
Day 5: Viagra Lady, why did you dis me in the ad last night? I will not be ignored!!
Day 6: Viagra Lady, my doctor says it's not really your fault, what I think you're doing to me.
Day 7: This new medicine is really making me sleepy.
Day 8: Viagra Lady, do you have a sister?

(Reprised from my Palm Pre Lady post from Aug 9, 2009.)