Kids vs. Flashlights problem

You may know that the following is an immutable law within the "kid universe": Kids love flashlights, but flashlights hate kids.

That's because kids destroy flashlights. Well, they don't really destroy them, they just render them inoperative. And I guess more specifically it's really the batteries that hate the kids, and as well they should.

If I may be so bold as to give some vital advice to parents who are new to having young kids, here it is. For your own benefit I strongly suggest not spending time and energy trying to fight the kids/flashlight problem. It'll just frustrate the hell out of you.

Trust me, I've been though it. Your first instinct of course is to try to hide the flashlights. Look, even if you could remember where you hid them in the first place, which you won't, this strategy does not work anyway: Kids find. Kids turn on. Kids leave on, hidden in the far corners of your home, to die.

What's the magical solution you ask? It comes from the world of Zen.

My friend, you need to emotionally accept and be at peace with the fact that regardless of how many flashlights you own and have stocked in your house (with brand new batteries) they won't work when you need them. Thus the metaphysical reality is that YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FLASHLIGHTS.

So repeat after me. "I don't have any flashlights, and I'm just fine with that, and it feels great!"